By Susan Jack
We here at FOX News have been fighting the good fight in the War on Christmas, but sometimes we feel we’re fighting alone; so to help our faithful FOX Nation members , we can EXCLUSIVELY reveal the lengths that progressive liberals will go to in their attempts to insidiously brain-wash our children through so-called Christmas Carols. After rigorous research from our journalist research team here at FOX News, we were stunned and disgusted to find that
libtards, Liberal song-writers throughout time have been slowly but surely putting forth a message of guilting the Makers to give to The Takers, supporting the non-traditional marriage agenda in defiance of DOMA and Proposition 8, and promoting worship of the occult, forwarding the Agnostic plan to thwart the traditional meaning of Christmas.
Just look at Clement Moore’s “Twas the Night Before Christmas;” St. Nicolas is a morbidly obese smoker who breaks into and enters a house after abusing his midget (and therefore disabled and protected) reindeer. Is our taxpayer money supporting Santa Claus? We know that NORAD follows his path on Christmas Eve- is he getting black ops money? For a man who CLAIMS to support the notion of Christmas, he’s very keen on redistribution of wealth, which has some people asking …. IS SANTA A SOCIALIST??? Once FOX found that attempting to use innocuous and beloved songs to spread political partisanship, we knew we had to take a closer look at the so-called carols. Here’s what we found.
Deck the Halls: Celebrates decorating with “boughs of holly,” a Druid/ pagan custom of using holly to attract good luck. Encourages cross-dressing with “gay apparel,” mentions worship of Odin with the Yule-log, covetousness of monetary gain without personal hard work from Odin with “Yule-tide treasures” and wishes ill health to those celebrating Christmas properly with “heedless of the wind and weather.” Instead, FOX encourages viewers to erect a pine wreath, as the Pilgrims did. If the Pilgrims did it, that’s okay.
Carol of the Bells: Safe for Republicans if it’s played simply on bells, but the words encourage people to “throw cares away.” The FOX Nation is populated with people who take personal responsibility, who are makers, not takers. This carol is not on GOP message, and therefore should not be sung.
Frosty the Snowman: Demonic possession of a snowman via “an old silk hat.” Might that hat be the same silk hat that Latter Day Saint founder Joseph Smith placed his seer stone into to translate the Book of Mormon? Now that Mitt Romney has lost, we here at FOX don’t have to pretend that we think that Mormons are real Christians anymore. There are hints that the children playing with the Demon Frosty are possessed as well (were they unattended? Stranger Danger!!!), as well as dancing with a witch’s broomstick until an authority figure stopped them. There is even a promise that Frosty the Demon will return. This is not a Christian song, but what some would say is a gateway to Satanic ritual.
Happy Xmas (War is over): Other than the use of “X-mas” rather than the proper “Christmas” this carol goes out of its way to ridicule and erode support for our troops. Plus, it was written by that filthy hippie John Lennon, who was a known communist and debaser of youth.
Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas: Worship of Odin’s Yule-log to make all merry-makers non-hetero-normative with the line “Make the Yule-tide gay”, then mentions “The Fates,” who were the Greek goddess Moirai, the Slavic goddess Sudice, and the Roman goddess Parcael, which later morphed into the Three Witches- Jesus, not Mithras, (which Christmas is partially named after), is the reason for the season, folks.
Here We Come a Wassailing: A mediaeval practice that blackmailed wealthier villagers to give poorer neighbors a share of their Christmas feast, specifically alcohol. If the Wassailers were not taken care of, they would trash the wealthier villager’s home. Is Obama a Wassailer by any other name? Welfare recipients getting money out of hard working Republicans to buy booze and gold teeth? Taking from the job-makers and giving it to the welfare takers certainly sounds like Wassailing to FOX News….
The Twelve Days of Christmas: Celebrates the pagan bacchanal between Christmas and Twelfth Night, often ruled over by the Lord of Misrule- is this the message we want sung to our children? During these twelve days, pantomimes plays are shown where authority is mocked and cross-dressing is rife; a strict no-no unless you’re making fun of former Senator Barney Frank, Senate Democrats and Barack Obama. Twelfth Night celebrations were an adaptation of the Roman Saturnalia, where masters would serve their slaves, gambling was allowed and partying stretched on for days. We at FOX News feel this this sets a dangerous precedent in the relationship between job-makers and their employees, who should be grateful that they have a job in the first place.
It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: No, it’s not the annual downsizing meeting, this song is about Christmas time. But what do “scary ghost stories” have to do with Christmas- other than the discussing Jesus rising from the dead or the ghost of the Gingrich congress while contemplating the fiscal cliff?
Baby, It’s Cold Outside: At first it seems that there is a date-rape in progress; the young lady singing about how she has to go, that the neighbors will talk, and worries that her drink has been spiked with a roofie. However, it is clear by the end that she agreed to any sexual congress, as she eventually gives in to the young man’s desires for her to stay in his home. She was asking for it.
Holly Jolly Christmas/ The Holly and the Ivy: Celebrates the use of a parasitic weed to illicit unwelcome sexual advances due to its Scandinavian origin that the holly bush and mistletoe represents the divine male essence, semen and sexual potency. Actually, come to think of it, FOX News has no problem with this whatsoever.
We Three Kings: The White, blond haired, blue-eyed Jesus that FOX Nation members worship has no need for presents from Zoroastrian Middle Easterners from Arabia, Persia and the Yemen who can’t even govern their own countries! Why would the King of Kings need anything from men who weren’t baptized until their return journey by St. Thomas?
Finally, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: A shunned and bullied genetic anomaly is press-ganged by peer pressure to work on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve is for contemplation, worship and bowing on your knees, not working. Yet Obama still has not stepped up and said anything about reindeer exploitation. Why is the mainstream media not covering this?
There are “safe” Christmas Carols- those that simply are about Jesus: Away in a Manger, Ding Dong Merrily on High, Do You Hear What I Hear?, Feliz Navidad (although we feel that this might be a bit immigranty), God Rest Yeah Merry Gentlemen, It Came Upon a Midnight Clear, Joy to the World, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, What Child is This and While Shepards Watched their Stars By Night. Most of the O’s pass muster- O Come All Yeah Faithful, O Come the Little Children, O Come O Come Emmanuel, O Holy Night, O Little Town of Bethlehem, but NOT O Christmas Tree or O Tannenbaum- worshiping trees is definitely a Druid thing.
When we need to find the true meaning of Christmas, we at FOX News turn to our resident expert, Bill O’Reilly; our general that will turn the tide against the War on Christmas. Bill reassures us that the reason that the War wages on is not because of the devotion of the FOX Nation who rail against Holiday Trees, the banning of Navity scenes on government property, and the notion of stripping Christmas of it’s Federal Holiday status. No, it’s because of the abortionists and gays.
So join us in the Spirit of the FOX News Season; the Spirit of Good Cheer if you’re on the Right side of the aisle. Give to your charities now, as Obama is sure to close off the charitable giving loophole; why give to charity if you don’t get a tax-break in return?
As a good Republican, you’ve worked hard for your money, why not spend it on yourself? By parading your holiday finery in front of working class folks, you’re giving them incentives to work harder, so they too can come up to your level. It’s their fault if they’re not as successful as you.
If you’re stuck for what to give a loved one (why would you give to the poor- they could get a second job if they wanted to!), remember to stop by the O’Reilly store for a Restore the USA hoodie (not recommended for African Americans), an American Patriot jacket (a steal at $89.95 plus shipping and handling!) or a Patriot’s Welcome jumbo floormat.